A Fatal Combination
by Jeryl Struble
Wanda was the name given to me at birth. Being a Leo was my lot as I was born in early August not far from Ulster in Ireland. People said I was so much fun, Yes, I was always happy, and trying to be the center of attention. I just loved to entertain people. That seemed to be my gift. They say I wasn't too hard to look at either. My hair was red, long and curly while my eyes were a haunting gray like my Mother's. Ma stood out in our town because she was Italian and named Sofia Maria. You'd think she was the only Italian they'd ever seen before the way they looked. Her eyes were the most beautiful I had ever seen, and her dark hair was magnificent. Born in October, my father was a poor farmer named Daniel. We were lucky when we could pay our rent. The whole town admired his black curls and incredibly blue eyes. Perhaps he did have an over-demanding, rather strict temperament, but at the same time he was kind and loving. I couldn't have wished for better parents.
Tragically, Ma died when I was four years old and my brother Michael was five years old. Of course, we were devastated. She was so sweet and child-like and had been almost like a playmate to me. I can't remember her ever speaking a harsh word to anyone. Da never married again after Ma’s death because he never got over it. I had a wonderful friendship with my Da. It seemed he was amazed and full of admiration for me. Sure, he had to rein me in quite often, as I could be really incorrigible. The best thing was that he was open and affectionate with me and made me feel needed. I wanted his approval and came to him for advice that he happily gave.
Later on when I was 21, I married a farmer by the name of Sherman . The resemblance to my father in his younger days was striking; black hair, blue eyes. He was even a Scorpio with a similar temperament except for one thing. He wouldn’t ever let me have my way. On December 26th, I had a beautiful baby girl with black curly hair and bright blue eyes just like her Da's. She was the best Christmas present I had ever received.! A practical, down-to-earth Capricorn is what she was from the very beginning when those serious blue eyes looked at me. She was named after my mother, Sofia Maria only backwards. Yes, we called her Maria Sofia. The worst day of my life happened when my little girl was 19 months old. The water was boiling furiously. The kettle was so heavy. How could I have been so clumsy? The sound of her screams I will never forget. As a legacy, she carries a scar on the right side of her face and I have one in my heart that will never go away. In spite of it all, she was still absolutely beautiful and no one would ever deny it. In fact, no one ever dared to mention the defect to her; if you knew her you would know why. She carried herself like a queen who lost her crown. You just couldn't say anything at all to that girl until she had swept past. After she had made her way down the road; that's when the whispers started.
William fell in love with Maria Sofia the first time he saw her and they were still children. This was her own intense Scorpio to carry on the tradition. William must have reminded her of her intense, emotional father who adored her and worshipped the ground she walked on. But don't think I had it so great. Sherman wouldn’t flatter my ego, that's for sure. I must admit that we had equally strong passions and tempers making for a less than calm household. I was extravagant andSherman disapproved of my excess spending and what he called my "frivolities". We were both on a very short fuse. Sherman was often jealous and that caused a lot of problems. He was jealous ofeveryone! It wasn't like I tried to get attention or anything. The way heacted you'd think I was committing adultery or some such thing. I would saythatSherman tended to be over-demanding with me, but was very loving and kind to his daughter. They were very close. He took Maria Sofia lots of places. Sherman was very stubborn and fixed in his opinions and did not give way easily when Maria Sofia asked for favors.
Maria Sofia was the mediator of many of our disputes. and a good job she did of it. She was not only fair to both of us. Cautious and responsible is what she was. She looked after all of us and we didn't dare cross her when she got that determined tilt to her chin. She had a way of making sure everyone of us stayed in line. Doing things exactly right seemed to be what she aimed for. Not only was she a perfectionist at home, but at school as well! I can tell you truly that there was never a day in her life that she didn't have her homework ready to give that teacher.
Most people didn't know it, but Maria Sofia was very sensitive. That girl felt things deeply, but in places where most folks couldn't see. She kept those feelings hidden away. It was so hard for her to tell us what she was feeling- maybe because she wanted to be strong for us. Lots of people said she was shy but they didn't know she was full of deep feelings too. She hid that from most people, but not from me. Just one look at her eyes and I knew when she was hurting. It went both ways. If she thought I was hurting, she'd often play me a song. Sometimes she'd even dance for me and her Da. Then we'd sing all our favorite songs together. My favorite was Danny Boy. We loved it when she let herself have fun with us and wished she'd do it more. I'll tell you though, if she wasn't working she was poring over one of her treasures which is what she considered her books. Untold hours were spent by that child with those stories. I could see her literally fly away to places she'd never been before except in her dreams.
Maria Sofia met William when they still both children. Such a serious boy, he was. The first thing I learned about him was that his birthday was the day before All Hallows Eve, a fact he solemnly intoned for my benefit one particularly rainy day in October. His father owned our land and William would come over with his Da to collect rent or inspect the property. The children would start playing and got on so well. Maria Sofia liked him so much and begged me to have him over again. I just couldn't say no. She worked so hard and practically never asked for anything. It wasn't long before he was a familiar figure running through the fields laughing and shrieking with my delighted girl. Somehow he brought out the child in her for which we were all very grateful.
Those children were two years apart but you'd never have known it to look at them. Anyone would have thought that Maria Sofia was an adult the way she carried herself and William could dissolve into tears in an instant. He had powerful emotions and seemed quite intense and moody at times. I never did know anyone with a memory like his. I think he knew the name of every flower and insect he ever laid eyes on. That child was as curious as they come and I'd like to see anything get past that gaze of his; steady and penetrating.
I used to imagine that he might grow up to be a detective since he was motivated to get to the bottom of things. If I so much as misplaced something, he wouldn't rest until it was back in my possession. There was no trying to change that one's mind. Once he decided something that was it. Maria Sofia could be just as stubborn as he was though so it was interesting to watch when they disagreed. Most of the time they just called it a draw and decided to do something else completely different.
William wasn't exactly easy to read. It was hard to tell what he was feeling. Most of the other children didn't understand him very well which left him with few friends. I do think Maria Sofia was his only kindred spirit and that didn't seem to bother him one bit. William was passionate about what he cared about and that was what mattered to him. One other thing. Don't try to run off and play with Maria Sofia when it was his turn. He had a streak of jealousy that would flare up if he felt threatened. I can still see him with his back up when that Woody would come over to show our girl one of his new poetry books that she so adored. I think he'd have liked to wallop him right in the side of the head.
William loved to ask questions and wanted to know how the world worked. My husband had the patience of Job with that boy. I swear before God that he must have asked one hundred questions in a single evening. Our girl just sat and listened raptly without saying a word. Just let someone try to push Maria Sofia around. Every once in awhile one of the kids would get too rough with her. It really wasn't anything; they were just boys being boys. They were just her cousins. The way he took off after them was something to see. Her eyes would fill like pools with rapture. It made her feel just like a princess. I always kind of thought they might end up together when they grew up andI didn't turn out to be wrong.
There was a powerful attraction between the two of them, which was hard to ignore or resist. They were deeply fascinated, even obsessed, with one another, but at the same time something made them draw back. Could it be that they both realized that they were playing with explosives! I always feared that the energies between them were so intense they could cause them to do things they wouldn’t normally approve of or even think themselves capable of. I turned out to be right again. It was about the time when the leaves would fall in September, the fourth day it was that the little girl was born. Rowena is what we called her and she was a beauty, I'll tell you. Such a beautiful child was never born on this earth as that one was. William was transfixed. I swear that man didn't move for at least a minute the first time he got a look at his daughter. Her hair was a golden blond and it was already curling around her face. She looked up at us with eyes as blue as the sea. Folks do talk, of course, and I'm sure they were saying plenty about the circumstances but I didn't pay them any mind. No one was going to spoil it for us. This was a perfect day.
Sherman was really upset with William for the situation and all and I must say he wasn't very nice about it. I can understand his being upset, but he didn't have to go so far. He felt like someone had sullied the reputation of his little girl and he was ready to do battle with the enemy with all of his Scorpio passion. At first Sherman told them they couldn't see each other any more but it didn't last. We should have known that with our girl, if a rule doesn't make sense, she isn't going to follow it. The next thing we knew she was meeting him in secret. Then it wasn't long after that she was meeting him openly. It was that queen thing again. Even though what Maria Sofia was doing was considered scandalous, most people treated her nicely when she passed with him. No one could forget how hard working she was and how we never could manage without her practically running our farm and household. I wish I could have been more help, but I have to admit to have been drowning my sorrows with anything I could think of that would take away that guilt. Nothing did for long though, it always came back as strong as ever.
So why didn't they marry? At first, William , even though he loved her more than life, was afraid of his own parents. Those people of his didn't want him marrying a Papist, especially one with a scar marring her nearly otherwise perfect face. He fought them heartily and told them it didn't matter what church she went to and that she was more beautiful than anyone. Words are sometimes uttered without a thought for what pain they might bring. Such is what happened to our intense and sometimes rash William. He had been thinking about it , he told her and decided he was afraid that if he married her, that he would not get his inheritance. It was just a selfish moment and he got over it so quickly but it was too late.Those words had flown like an arrow that pierced her heart right through.
When the pain subsided, Maria Sofia was madder than she'd ever been before. Pride is something she was not short of. Even though she loved him more than anything, she wasn’t about to marry him if he was afraid of his parents. It was hard enough to be rejected for money and religion, but to be scorned for her- she couldn't even think of it. How could it be forgiven? She tried to explain it to me patiently at first, but then her ire got the best of her. There was that same determined tilt to her chin I'd seen all those times I didn't dare cross her. I was duly informed that Hell would freeze over before she would marry anyone who would worry more about money and status than they did about love.
William was absolutely beside himself with remorse. He begged her to forgive him. I never heard more beautiful apologies. Didn't she know that the scar didn't bother him at all? He couldn't even see it. It was simply invisible to him. Couldn't she see that he thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen?
Everything was forgiven and they were lovers again, but she never gave in. My girl was one to fly in the face of convention. I can honestly tell you that she didn't care one whit what anyone thought of her because she knew what she thought of herself. She decided she wasn't going to marry at all. It must have been her fate to give her life to her parents in service and raise her daughter alone. Poor William nearly had to plead with her to let her take money for Rowena's support but she did finally relent. Her pride never left her and she was determined to support herself. Even though he was one of the wealthier men in the County, she wouldn't take a kroner for herself.
I'm sad to say those two stubborn kids never went long without fighting but just as soon as it was over they were back together again. Rowena was crazy about her father and the three of them spent lots of time together. There was no beating the things they went on about. In the end, it was love and pride together that proved a fatal combination.
End Notes:
So what was their child like? Rowena had blond, curly hair and blue eyes like her mother. In constant motion, she was a regular chatter box. That child was totally neat and clean. I was not surprised that books were her most treasured possessions and she had quite a flare for writing poetry like her father. We were all so proud that our granddaughter worked hard did really well in school. In some ways she was so like her Father. She felt like she wanted to learn absolutely everything and asked a question a minute. Sherman used to say that she felt like little William had been ressurected in that child. Best of all, she was very affectionate and loved us all very much. People would say that she also got into lots of mischief and start to go on about her latest mishap. But never you mind; she was always willing to help her Ma and Da with all the chores without even being asked when she was through with her pranks!
Epilogue:
Rowena grew up, got married when she was 18 and had two girls. After her parents died, Maria Sofia lived with her daughter’s family. When Maria was just 60, William died. She was with him. Rowena took care of her mother after she grew up and was with her when she died at age 72
Posted by jeryl9
at 1:36 AM EDT
